Here is a conversation I had with my mother via text about a copperhead in my parents yard:
MOM: Tang hunted down the snake under the mint along the rocks by the patio. When I went to get her, I saw what i thought was a copperhead. I called your dad.
He came with a shovel, but he sent me to get the machete from the truck. I gave him the machete and turned to seek higher ground, but he said, “stand here with the shovel to keep his attention,” since he was looking at me!
Your dad went in front of him while he looked at me and WHACK, a single swipe decapitated him!
I posted it on facebook.
ME: This reads like a poem.
ME: What?! Related: rabid rat bit a woman on the J train.
MOM: Yesterday, the skunk sprayed first, which was detrimental to business, then attacked someone.
When did that happen with the rat? Are you equipped to deal with that? You must capture/kill and keep the rat.
ME: Um… no, I don’t actually know that woman and I don’t want a dead rat.